A Lady with a Huge Supplement
Marrying foreigners and moving abroad Russian women often
insist on taking their child with them even if the child is not so
small. This situation is normal and I think one should have no
heart to forbid that. However, some women go further and try
to take abroad their mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts and even
grandparents. I've heard of a woman who was trying to
persuade her new husband to take her ex-husband with them
since her child was supposed to miss him a lot. Should your
love to this woman be a reason to satisfy such a request?
When the request concerns her distant relatives, be sure, she just wants to
make profit of you and I doubt that she feels anything about you. However, if it
is her mother she wants to take with her, the issue is rather delicate.
The problem of relations between husband and mother-in-law is a wide-spread
one for Russia. Russians have a lot of jokes on this matter. But what is the
ground for the notorious conflict? Is it for the stubbornness of the husband or
for the cunning of his mother-in-law? It is neither the former nor the latter! In
fact, Russians nowadays do not practice close relationships between several
generations forming a dynasty. A married woman who keeps in touch with her
mother is supposed to be rather infantile. She would not make a good wife. She
is not grown enough to be a wife and prefers to play the role of a helpless little
daughter. Such a woman is unable to take decisions on her own and since that
is strongly influenced by her husband and mother. An occasion when there is
even a slight difference in their opinions will inevitably cause a serious conflict.
You should never agree to let her mother meddle in your family life unless it will
soon turn into a battlefield. If your bride keeps insisting on taking her mother
abroad you'd better find another woman. Anyway, you would not be happy with
a wife like that.
There is also one additional negative aspect in the presence of relatives
accompanying your wife in the foreign country. It may seem that support of a
friendly relative person at the first stage of socialization should help a lot, but
in fact it is not so helpful. Unusual conditions in a foreign society make relatives
form a secluded self-sufficient system which essentially reduces their need to
accommodate to the outer world. The process of accommodation will never end
and you will have to drag them on for the rest of your life. What should one do
if his wife-to-be addresses him with such a requirement? I think all explanations
and diplomatic arguments must be put aside here. You ought to say no.
Stubbornness that concerns little things is not the best trait of a character,
but the ability to insist upon your decision concerning some crucial matters is
absolutely indispensable. If you capitulate in the very beginning of your
relationships you will have to do it all the time.