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The Devastation Of Inner Emptiness
One of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their
emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior.
We have all heard about the
sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger
Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We all know about the many famous people who end up in
treatment centers for alcohol and drug addiction.
The question is: why? Why would someone who seemingly has everything destroy their own life,
and the lives of those they are close to, with their addictions to sex, alcohol or drugs?
It's true that these high-profile people seem to have everything that our society deems important for
happiness and self-esteem -
money and all that money can buy, relationships and fame. What is it
that creates the desperate need to act out addictively when they have so much?
The man in front of an open window
While they have much externally, internally they
are bereft - empty. And the cause of this inner
emptiness is one thing only - a lack of love. But
it is not a lack of love from others. These people
often have the love of many people, such as
spouse, children and friends.
Inner emptiness is caused by the lack of
love that comes from a narcissistic, entitled
mindset. The lack of love that 
results from trying to get love, rather than be loving to oneself and with others. When a person's
intention is to get love, attention, and approval externally, they create their own inner emptiness.
While the
sex or the alcohol or the drugs might fill them temporarily, or give them a feeling of
aliveness and wellbeing temporarily, it can never truly fill them in any deep and consistent way.
The thing that all of these people lack is an intent to take responsibility for loving themselves - for
filling themselves with love so they have love to share with others. They have learned to substitute
their various addictions - sex and other processes, alcohol and other substances - in place of
genuine love. But because sex and alcohol, drugs, food, and other addictions are not love, the
person never feels full inside. And because they are not loving themselves, their hearts are closed to
others' love.
When our intent is to take responsibility for our own feelings and learn to be loving to ourselves, our
heart opens. When our heart is open, we can genuinely experience love from others, and, more
importantly, from our Source.
Our Source IS love. Love is what we live in. Love is the intelligence of the universe, and is available to
all of us when we open to it. But love from your Source cannot fill you when your heart is closed.
Whether your heart is open or closed to love depends on your intent. At any given moment you are
either intent on:
* Protecting against your painful feelings with some form of addictive, controlling behavior, or
* Learning about what is loving to yourself and others - about what is in your own highest good, and
the highest good of others.
The girl in the rising sun
The intent to protect against painful feelings
closes the heart, leaving you feeling empty and
alone inside. It takes courage to be willing to
compassionately feel your painful feelings of life
- your loneliness and heartbreak - but unless
you have the courage to learn to feel and
lovingly manage these painful feelings, you will
turn to addictions as a way of avoiding them`.
The intent to learn about what is loving opens
your heart to love. The intent to 
learn and love leads to taking loving action in your own behalf and in behalf of others, such as being
kind and compassionate toward yourself and others.
When your intent is to get something from others - sex, approval, caring or compassion - you will
feel empty.
When your intent is to give love, caring and compassion to yourself and others, you will feel full. This
is what heals addictions and fills the emptiness.
Margaret Paul, Ph. D
Article Directory:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the
powerful Inner Bonding process - featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to discover real love and
intimacy? Click here for a FREE
CD/DVD relationship offer, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.
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Almost all make mistakes early in life - a lack of experience is cause of many failed
marriages. Read carefully the tips  below, they will save you from a failed marriage.
First and foremost - never trust your feelings. Marriages for love are the most fragile. Vast
majority of men can not distinguish the love from infatuation. You should be approached the
problem of choosing a life partner with your cool head.
If you are the type of guy that always seems to end up as the girl's best friend than you have
landed in the right place. Whether you want to believe it or not, your time has come to stop
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You could have been one of those people who wielded all signs of being a loser, as well as
the fact that you were not an outgoing person. However, after you have met a person and you
have started dating, you are transformed to something that people cannot believe. You
become full of energy and a new resolve to start living again hits you. Even the air at work has
in a way changed to something that you cannot believe yourself.
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