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What difference in the age is good for the partners?
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Tags: Marriage
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By T. Ognevaya
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Who should be older - male or female?
Recently, at a reception I met a man with a thick cigar.
- How old are you? - 29. - Oh! Too many. But you don't look like this. After that my new acquaintance without a moment's hesitation reported proudly that he had never met the girls older than 20, such a principle. He was twice married the young models. The third bore him out of wedlock, for what she received a maintenance and the "residence" in Spain, away from the eyes. - They do not give a lot of hemorrhoids, - he said cynically. It is much easier with these club dolls, you can act as you like, any problems can be solved with money, you can not stand upon ceremony, they can easily go to any experiments like a group sex, etc. - I wish you aren't so oldy. It would be good to talk with you. And though... Let's go to my home, - cad has concluded the 15-minute secular conversation. - There will be an exception to the rule, ha-ha. Coldly saying that the conversation with him was interesting only for academic purposes as with a model of a certain type of homo sapiens, I wished him a successful hunt, and walked away. You know, he's not the first who boastfully said that in his life there never was a love - "it will interfere", he never lost his head for joy... At 45 he looks as full 55. The bags under his eyes, gray hair, the abdomen. And all that he can be proud of is a bank account. And a depression. And the fans of juveniles are found not only among the wealthy, this phenomenon does not depends on the social ladder, or marital status. Clearly, according to the behaviorist (they draw analogies in the behavior of animals and people) the men want youth and beauty. They say that the male is claimed by someone, while he is able, the female - while she is attractive. But today, many women of 30 and 40 look better than some in 20. And in my opinion, these men are teenagers in heart. They do not know how to love, to communicate with a normal woman. Everyone chooses a couple of his growth. However, this phenomenon is broader and there are other situations in which there is a big difference in age. And my colleagues psychologists have opinions which are not so categorical. |
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Why are they drawn to the Teens?
- First, if a person is surrounded by youngers, he feels younger. This applies to both women and men - said Elena Dobrobabenko a popular psychotherapist. - The latest seek a younger partner in principle. Firstly, from the desire to subjugate. Secondly - the young lover is an element of status. The younger and more shapely, the higher a status of man. And finally, the key point: in 80% of the cases, the very young are chosen as a playmate by the diffident men. For the same reason they get hold large dogs and cars. If can not make an impression then creates entourage. - They choose a younger to feel stronger - confirms Julia Urushadze, our consultant, the Gestalt psychologist. - For someones it works as a compensation: they are not sure they can cope an adult intelligent woman. In some Eastern countries the young are valued, because it is believed that her consciousness is pure, and you can raise her for yourself. |
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- And what the girls? Are they blind? Why do they fall in love with those who are suitable to be her
father? - Many of them do choose "father" - said Julia. - Because he's smarter, stronger, he will defend and warm. Farther the girls get mature earlier, and some of them greatly outperform their peers in development. Of course, the fellow classmates beside look like the boys. Elena puts the money issue in the first place. - Men want a woman's beauty, and women want resources from men. Adult males have usually more resources - says Elena. - Another reason may be more prosaic, but important to the woman: her peers do not offer her a life together. |
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Maybe the man should be younger?
- I have a few girlfriends, quite a spiritually advanced, but they met only younger guys. - My ones have always been younger, - says Eugenia. - My mother had both first and the second husband younger then she. And my grandmother, too. The last guy is younger than Eugenia for seven years. The first four months of dating, he had no idea about her real age. And he wouldn't have guessed unless looked into the passport. |
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- This is the effect of imprinting (imprint in the psyche) - Julia Urushadze explains. - Probably the first
serious relationship she had, were such when the man was younger. And it had been recorded. Plus a load - family scenario. You know, people in relationships always repeat something. Someone's all were drinking, someone's - beating. For someone this is due to the age. - A woman chooses a man younger than she because of sex. In terms of physiology the cycles of the sexual appetites are the same, - Elena says. - But there's another one reason: it is easier to make the young to marry her. In addition, a woman with young man has a feeling that she is younger, it is huge incentive to always take care of herself. |
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- Psychiatrists say that the best age gap between men and women is 11 years. A woman is younger
a man is older. Like if in this gap the kids are the most mentally healthy. But on the other hand, the adjacent science - psychology - toil, but argues that all is individually. And you should not to focus on "the average temperature in the hospital". - The man younger by 8 years or older by 14 - that's fine, - says Elena. - There is no conflict between generations. - In addition to the biological age there is a psychological maturity - Julia continues . - Why are the first marriage crumbled? Because both are looking for a substitute of mother. But here, too, can either be the difference in age, or the peers may get well. But that's why the first marriages very often are breaking up. It is better to enter the marriage, being a mature person. And then it does not matter who is older-younger. |
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The situation is commented by leader of public movement "Frivolous Russia," Alexander Monogamov:
- The most important task of psychology is to comfort. The journalism does the same. This material of T. Ognevaya may serve as a consolation for huge number of middle-aged, not too pretty and not trying to take care of themselves, women. In the past, seeing the man who leaves to the young, beautiful and well maintained girl, these ladies had asked themselves: "Maybe I'm guilty of something? Maybe he's something missing?" But now they know exactly what to blame - males exclusively. It turns out that they look at the young due to uncertainty in their own abilities. With the teenagers, you see, everything is easier. He would not cope with a mature smart woman - she will crush his intellect. So guys give up: they go to those who is younger and more sillier respectively. Girls and women! Do not believe it. Smart woman understands that her mind is not the only thing that can attract or repel a man. We will not go into the physiological details, let's say: be beautiful (yes, it is also important!), be energetic, cheerful, friendly and witty. And if you find yourself clever, too, do not worry, this will not scare us contrary to the assurances of psychologists. And then any difference in age is not terrible. |
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Tags: Marriage
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