"If you're waiting for a very important call on a mobile, but still there is no call. Put the
phone into a deep pocket, zip up, soap your hands well... The call will follow almost
instantly!"
"Girls with age become women. The boys become big boys."
"A man will pay twice as expensive for the thing that he needs. Woman buys absolutely
unnecessary thing, if she got double the discount."
"Woman often does not understand why she got married. The man usually does not
understand why his wife demands a divorce"
"Man keeps in the bathroom six items: soap, towel, toothbrush, hairbrush, razor and
shaving cream. A woman in the bathroom holds an average of 337 items, the purpose of
most of them is unknown for men."
"A woman worries about the future until she got married. Man does not worry about the
future, for the time being not yet married."
"A woman marries, hoping that her husband would change. She is wrong. A man marries,
hoping that his wife will not change. Also wrong."
"A man may take his life is a success if he earns more money than his wife can spend. A
woman can take her life is a success if she find such a man."
"The girls do not know what can be done from the stick. The boy instantly will make gun
from it."
"Boys grow fingernails simply because of the laziness of their crop. Girls grow nails for
beauty, and as a weapon against the boys."
"Older woman will never blame you that you «stole her best years», because they were
stolen by someone else before you."
"To maintain the family idyll: turn away from the TV; listen to what, she says; repeat the
last sentence; say that there is merit; turn to TV."
"The ideal perfect man does not drink, does not smoke, does not like horse races, does not
argue and... does not exist."
"The young bachelor is tidying up his house to invite a woman. An old bachelor invites a
woman to his house that she has done cleaning."
"Men far more would value women's intellect, if it jiggles when walking."
"If a wife is silent, it is better to not interrupt her."
"If you want to marry a smart, beautiful and rich woman - you have to marry three times."
"The last word in any discussion always belongs to a woman. Anything a man will say after
this is the beginning of a new discussion."
"Smart man + smart woman = Romance.
Smart man + stupid woman = Love adventure.
Stupid man + smart woman = Marriage.
Stupid man + stupid woman = Pregnancy."
"Shampoo "Head & Shoulders" will easily save you from dandruff. And a black T-shirt with
white specks will easily save you from shampoo."
"The best drugs for women's headaches are sold in jewelry stores."
"He spent part of his money on drinks, part on women and used the rest very stupidly."
"There are two ways to govern the women... But nobody knows them."
"If a man opens the car's door to his wife, it means that it is either new car or new wife."
"Women keep watching porn movies till the end, with timid hope that eventually all come to
wedding."
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don’t expect it back.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot
cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll
become a philosopher.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is
having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
I've read about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is
any reaction, both are transformed.
The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all
cases.
A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.
Women put on make up, change hair and nails color, make plastic surgery, lift and silicone
breast - and after this they dare to say that there are no real men!
Like every single man, he was well versed in family matters...
The longer you ignore something - knock inside engine, crack in the ceiling or anxious face
of girlfriend - the more you have to pay for it in the end.
A good can be called a marriage in which you never think you're going to compromise.
The Rule N1: Do not panic! The Rule N2: No entre en pŕnico! The Rule N3: see rules N1 and
N2.
Women like men who listen to them with interest. And listen. And listen. And...
If you (God forbid) have to go to operation on paired organ, don't be lazy to get pen and
mark the right place. The probability of medical error is negligible, but it exists.
Headache? Put into the sock a couple of tennis balls, tie it down, lie onto the floor and put
the sock with tennis balls under the place where your head grows into the neck. Don't
forget to take the sock off foot.
There is only one the first word for dating that works: "Hello." Then introduce yourself, ask
her about her, then - it is the most important - shut up and listen.
Read carefully all that you put your signature under. About good they write a lot and write
in big letters. All the unpleasant is described sparingly and in small print.
Do not go for food when hungry. You will always buy extra.
Do not complain about lack of time. In your days there are as many hours as in days of
Einstein, Gates and Soros
If in the subway you'll pinch the girl's ass, then:
- with probability 59% she will flinch, turn around and give you a smack in the face;
- with a 40% chance she will flinch, turn around and say: "bastard!";
- with probability 1% she will become your wife.
Summary: the probability is too low, but it's better not to risk...
